As a trauma-informed and grief therapist, I approach couple’s work in the same vein. After the experience of infidelity in a partnership, the healing process encompasses the trauma of the betrayal and the simultaneous need to address day-to-day challenges in the relationship. This can be a daunting, overwhelming and confusing process for couples. In my practice, I apply the Gottman approach to couples work while utilizing a trauma-focused lens and elements of attachment theory. I approach the couple in an interactive way while remaining a neutral soundboard.

It is not unusual for the couple to experience emotional dysregulation, symptoms of PTSD, significant identity and trust issues, and even memory gaps. The hope is that in a non-judgmental space, we can rebuild validation and safety, work on skill building, process the grief around the betraya,l and empower the couple to regain stability and enforce communication skills and styles.

I often hear in sessions, “I can’t do this any longer; I don’t want to feel this way”. Regarding time frames, the healing process is a non-linear and multi-year process, often taking 18 months to 3 years for significant healing. This can feel incredibly frustrating within the partnership and requires a great deal of commitment and patience on behalf of both parties. The first few months are considered the acute phase and show up as intense shock, emotional overwhelm and attempting to define the betrayal. The hope is that we shift into an improvement phase with managing symptoms and stabilizing emotions. Full recovery or integration can take 2 years to 5 years+ for deep rebuilding and addressing underlying patterns. As with any type of trauma, there are multi-factorial elements that shorten or lengthen any therapeutic timeline.